I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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