We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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