Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize