Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
