Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
