eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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