I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
