There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
As shirtless as possible
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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