hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
