remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
