I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
