You just made me feel so damn special
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
