Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
