mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
