i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
