Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
