a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
