Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
