Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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