I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
