So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
