end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
