Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
