what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When did angry sex become our thing?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
