He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
