dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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