If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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