I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize