He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
