i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
sex in a hospital.. check
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
