I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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