i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize