Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
