Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize