I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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