come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
