no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
be right there i have to get my cape
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
