he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
