even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize