Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
