I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
