..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
