Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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