god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
