she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
