my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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