His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
