i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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