Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
