I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
