I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
