he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i out mim tonsoeep
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