the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
