the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
