I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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