Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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