the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you would pick up someone in the library
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
