He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
