I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it was like eating out sand paper
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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