My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
