I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
