My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
