I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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