I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
