i can't believe i had my finger in that
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
