do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
