My liver just broke up with me...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
